Judgemental Hao
by LILMISSS
Summary: "I mean," he continued, again without glancing up to see their horrified expressions, "you two look nothing like me!" And that is how Asakura Hao destroys the morale of Asakura Luka and Yohane. READ FLOWERS 2 BEFOREHAND. Oneshot.


**Guys, if you have not read the brand new chapter of Flowers, go read it before reading this. Google "Shaman King Flowers 2" and then pick the URL mangahere dot com. That's the only website I know of that has the new chapter.**

**I thought it'd be fascinating to see troll Hao judging Yohane and Luka, even though I don't know the latter two very well.**

**Well...uh, but either way, if you're still here, just read on and see how Hao destroys his descendants' hearts.  
**

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"I am Asakura Luka, and this is Asakura Yohane." At this, the smaller companion bowed deeply. "We are your direct descendants."

"We are here to gain back your honour, cemented but forgotten centuries ago." Again with the deep bow from both of them. "We are here to become the rightful main branch of the Asakura family."

Then they finally looked straight into the eyes of Asakura Hao, who had been approached while he was perched on a tree branch, watching a kitten trying to sharpen its claws. He didn't seem perturbed at all that they had to meet their ancestor in such a peculiar situation, and from the looks of it, he was more interested in the kitten than his descendants, who seemed physically worn out, probably from traversing great distances to Japan.

After an awkward silence, in which Hao muttered something to the kitten (Yohane distinctively heard the Shaman King say "Meow") and not to his descendants, Yohane summoned the courage to speak up. "We would like to…humbly request…for you to grant us formal permission to do so-"

"Are you _joking_?" the words from Asakura Hao surprised both of them, and Luka took a step back, a little frightened. Yohane gulped.

"N-No, we _are_ asking you for p-permission!" he proclaimed, a little louder than necessary, and this perked the Shaman King's interest, for he finally petted the kitten for the final time and brought it down with him, in his tender arms.

Stroking the kitten, who purred at his touch, Asakura Hao looked at the two of them in genuine confusion. "No, no, I'm not talking about that," he explained, not bothering to look at them. He seemed much more interested in the kitten. "I'm talking about the _descendant _part."

"W-Wh-"

"I mean," he continued, again without glancing up to see their horrified expressions, "you two look _nothing _like me!"

Their horror morphed into something between being flabbergasted and being insulted. "B-But we _are_!" Asakura Luka insisted vehemently.

Hao shrugged, again more preoccupied with babying the kitten. "Well, for one thing, I don't have green eyes. I'm quite sure my wife didn't have green eyes. I've never had sex with anyone with green eyes in my whole life." At this, he suddenly stopped stroking the cat, and just when the two descendants thought that they would finally be paid some due attention, he spoke to the cat. "Wow, that's something I've never done even after a millennium. Remind me to break into Funbari Onsen later on for their computer."

"We…can't explain what's happened over a thousand years…!" Yohane tried, frowning.

"Oh, so you're like, the descendants of my first reincarnation!" Hao nodded his head, but then he furrowed his eyebrows. "Nope, don't remember having sex with green-eyed women. Though some of them _were_ green with envy…heh, get it?" He laughed, and suddenly, Yohane found himself surrounded by cats, sitting silently around them, watching Hao.

"I was _quite _the catch," he continued, beaming with some form of nostalgia, and at this, Luka found herself blushing. And then, something clicked in Hao, for he finally gave both Luka and Yohane once-overs. "You both are _pleasant-looking_, but I'm quite sure I had sex with only the most beautiful women around…in the very least, I expected some form of sexy and orgasm-inducing looks in my descendants."

"…maybe another ancestor mated with someone ugly?" Luka suggested.

"And someone with green eyes!" Yohane added, quite upset that his green eyes were the target of Hao's silly scrutiny.

But their remarks were left unheard as the Shaman King returned to stroking the kitten. "But geez, did my premature death caused a death in that orgasm-inducing genes? You guys look normal! Do you have a photo of your dads, in the very least?"

"Meow," the kitten agreed.

"The kitten insists," Hao told them, smiling. He bent down and set the kitten free to its mum.

"But we…don't have a photo."

"Oh." He smiled as he leaned back, his back to the tree with a thoughtful look on his face. "A pity. You really didn't get my genes. I would suggest mating with Hana, because he's a closer descendant and in the very least he _is_ a few rungs above you, in terms of physical appearances. But then again, you want to destroy him."

"Yes! We were asking you for permission to-"

"Wait. Oh, I just noticed your eye patch. Ew. Do you have a reason for wearing an eye patch? Honestly, haven't you learnt _anything _from your other ancestors?" Hao shook his head. "Eye patches are meant for Johnny Depp and lame pirates. And for _my_ star to be on that…you could've just asked for a duplicate of my earrings. I like to keep spares."

He walked over to Yohane and clucked his tongue in severe disapproval. "Tsk, tacky umbrella you have there. You're not Mary Poppins; that was _years _ago, child."

"I-I quite like this umbrella, thank you very much!" Yohane spat out, and then he slapped his hand over his mouth.

Hao pursed his lips. "Ooh, you just insulted the Shaman King. Better run, before…you know…" and then he smiled sweetly at the both of them. It was reminiscent of how an old pedophile would smile at children, with candy in one hand and a chloroform-ready towel in the other.

And that was when Luka stepped up. "Hao-sama, we'll be leaving now. Goodbye."

As Hao watched the two leave with surprisingly quick speeds, he suddenly beamed at his feline company. "And that is how you get rid of annoying people!"


End file.
